"Reflections" a Playlist!

Music has always been a source of comfort for me so making this playlist “album length” proved a little difficult. I titled it “Reflections” and made it more of well, a playlist reflecting on my life and the daily struggle instead of the “complete” story of my life thus far.

​It just felt more personable this way and better sends the message of “I’m not exactly who I was back then (and I don’t want to be my middle school self again, that’s for sure) but this is how those experiences have impacted me.” I am dealing with everything the best way I know how right now. While making this playlist, I was reminded that I may not be the best version of myself right now, that doesn't mean I will stay this way forever.  I completed this project because I love creating playlists and they’re usually long, so this was a fun challenge.  I made a shorter version of this playlist but it didn’t feel right, so here is “Reflections” in all her 25 song glory. I’ve explained 10 tracks here, but feel free to ask for the specific reasoning behind any of the other 25. 
I picked “Anti-Hero (feat. Bleachers)”  by Taylor Swift and Bleachers as my first track because I relate to the lyrics. The raw, unfiltered, overly self-aware and self-critical lyrics set to a pop track is how I’d describe my current state of mind.  While the playlist picks up in terms of not being sad towards the end, the bittersweetness of this track really sets the tone for this playlist.
The second song I picked is “Jigsaw” by Conan Gray. I picked it to follow “Anti-Hero” because in the song, Conan sings about how he picks himself apart in an effort to make people love him and ends up as this jigsaw; not knowing what parts of him are really him. This is the same theme reflected in my 5th track, “mirrorball”. Again, the song is set to a punchy track that you want to dance to while the lyrics punch you in the gut.
The third track, and the most devastatingly relatable to me is “This Is Me Trying” by Taylor Swift. I'm going to let this song speak for me. I mean what else are you supposed to do when “I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere and I ended up here ?
The fourth track, “I Know It Won’t Work” by Gracie Abrams follows this idea that you know something won’t work, yet you linger. Whenever I listen to this song, I have two different reflections. One, where you know a relationship (platonic or otherwise) won’t work and you’re trying to let go because if you stay, it’ll only hurt more but not knowing how. Second, losing yourself and wanting that version of yourself back but knowing it doesn't work like that and you can’t cling to the past forever. 
The fifth track, “Mirrorball” by Taylor Swift re-examines the ideas presented in the first four tracks but especially “Jigsaw”. This kind of reflecting every version of whomever you’re with to mask how out of place you are or feel, resonates with me. It’s something that I think is a universal feeling, especially as a young creative who wears her heart on her sleeve. 
The sixth track, “The Kids Aren’t Alright“ by Fall Out Boy is one of the many tracks that defined my middle school experience. The song is about how you may not be alright, but there are others going through the same thing as you; you’re not alone. While that message may not have made everything immediately better, it was one I clinged to. 
“Nothing New (feat. Phoebe Bridgers)” by Taylor Swift and Phoebe Bridgers is the seventh track. The song relates back to the themes in  “Jigsaw “ and “Mirrorball”. It’s probably a good thing this song wasn’t on the original (*cough* stolen version) of the RED album because my mirrorball breakdown would’ve happened when I was 9 (in 2012). I was going through a lot that year as it was and my mom had enough problems trying to calm me down whenever I’d cry over the devastating tracks that did make it to RED. 
"Redecorate" by Twenty One Pilots is the eight track. When I first heard it I immediately thought of my middle school self.  Did I mention middle school was a bad time for me? But more importantly, isn't it great that I am not that same person anymore, that I redecorated? While I had their "Blurryface" album (and of course all the previous records to relate to), I wish I had "Redecorate" back then. The song is deeper and sadder than this explanation is so give it a listen, look up the lyrics and sit with it for optimal listening. 
“Paper Crown" by Alec Benjamin is the ninth track and serves as a transition to the tenth track on my playlist. During middle school, I built my walls too high and wouldn’t let anyone “save” me. It was the only way I knew how to cope because every time I let someone in, my words were weaponized against me and I didn’t want anyone to think I was trying to play the victim card.
“I Wanna Get Better” by Bleachers takes this playlist from a sad “I have built myself a cave and I will hide in here forever” type beat to a “hey, maybe accepting things as they are and trying to live with it and make the most of it could help”. While it helped, depression isn’t something that you can really leave behind like a toxic friend group; but you can talk to someone and get better. It's not the end.
The rest of the tracks serve as a reminder that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger", there's beauty after heartache and it's not the end of the world even though it may seem like it is. To summarize, as Taylor Swift sings in "Long Story Short” (which is track 24 of this playlist) , "long story short, it was a bad time. Long story short, I survived."